God Brings People—You Create the Marriage

I was watching YouTube the other day like I usually do, and a video popped up titled “When You Married the Wrong Person.”

Naturally, I clicked it.

One of the first things the woman said was: “You probably wonder from time to time whether or not you married the wrong person—and the truth is, you probably did.”

I realized this was my type of video.

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I’d guess that 99.9% of married people—have, at some point, wondered if they chose the wrong person.

And sure, sometimes that thought leads to a breakup or divorce—and maybe that was the right decision. (I can't judge)

But I want to speak to the couples who have been together a long time. The ones who still have mutual respect and care for each other—but also have those days where it’s like, ugh… why do I have to deal with you today?

Let’s rewind to the early days.

Everything felt perfect. They smelled amazing. You couldn’t get enough of touching each other. Every song felt like it was written just for you. Even food tasted better.

But let’s be honest—you were also holding in your farts for the first few months. You were a little more polished. And a lot more filtered.

And eventually… that catches up with you.

Little by little, comfort sets in. The real you starts to show.

And somehow, we flip the script: “It’s not me—it’s them. They bring this out of me.”

And just like that, the romance starts to fade.

Sound familiar? It should—because it happens to everyone.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that the “puppy love” or honeymoon phase isn’t actually that special, but that feeling is oh so good at making you believe it's special.

In fact, you can have that feeling with almost anyone in the world.

So it makes you wonder: did I really find “the one”? Or did I just create that idea in my mind?

God never promised to bring you "the one." He just brought imperfect people into our life for different reasons and different seasons. To help remodel our imperfect-ness. But choosing to marry someone—that’s an act of free will.

And marriage itself is a series of choices.

Every day, you’re deciding how you show up. How you contribute. Whether you make things better—or worse.

The truth is, people who are addicted to the romantic phase are often just addicted to how it makes them feel. It’s not really about how much they enjoy the other person. (Guilty here)

For a marriage to work, both people have to be willing to be unselfish—at least some of the time.

Sometimes you’re the flower, and your spouse is the gardener. Sometimes it’s the other way around.

But if neither of you is willing to be the gardener, eventually… everything withers.

Here’s the bottom line: you are always creating something.

In the beginning, you might be creating an idealized version of the other person in your mind.

Later, you might be creating a home together. A life. Stability. Support.

But it’s never just fate.

It’s a decision—to create something, together. * * *

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” — Romans 12:10